Funeral

Dear Thanatophilus,
Did you know that you were really annoying during that funeral? I was trying to concentrate on the woman's life, and all you could say was, "Gosh, how do you think they get a whole body into one of those little urns? Doesn't the little angel look restful?" No, Thanatophilus, the angel does not look restful, the angel looks sad. She's weeping for heaven's sake, not putting her head down like a second grader about to play "thumbs up"!

I can't take you anywhere, and I can't seem to leave you behind. Why are you never satisfied with anyone or anything- unless I am upset about it? When I want to break up with someone, you suddenly think they're tops! When I feel in love, you start telling me either that they stink, or that I am not worthy of such a paragon, and they'll realize it soon enough.

Why can I never win arguments with you?