Attitude

So, I was in a small vehicular accident the other evening. It's not my first. I have suspected for a long time that I am a terrible driver, and my record bears this out.
Where Thanatophilus becomes involved is in talking to my mother afterwards. Apparently, I have a "cavalier" attitude about this stuff. What she doesn't understand is that pretending not to care is the only way to keep her from talking to Thanatophilus directly. He wants to say things like, "I suck at driving, would you like to drive me everywhere I want to go?" and, "Maybe I should keep driving, and try to make sure the next accident is fatal."
Mom of course would accuse me of "being dramatic", a character flaw she assigned me at the age of 2, and refuses to believe I could ever grow out of. I'm not sure why she seems to think I have to find the non-existent middle ground between drama and cavalier, when I have not yet met someone who can do that after an accident, but apparently I should be able to think perfectly straight, and be totally upset yet drama free.
But I did make that evening come out not totally as bad as it could have. I went to an awesome concert, and then handed my card (remember that I work with kids? I do some freelance work.) to one of the musicians I follow. The idea that he has my number is pretty exciting to me.

Know what's weird? When I am alone, Thanatophilus looms huge, and I wonder how life can possibly happen with me in it. But when I am responsible for someone, or even with someone, I am totally in control, Thanatophilus is nothing but a tiny heckler in the depths of my mind. I like being needed. It lets me feel useful, which I think is the feeling that Thanatophilus most hates. Being liked is nice, but being needed is much better.